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YOU ARE SERBIAN IF YOU…

1. You have a bunch of handicrafts on the TV, shelves and nightstands such as the doiliy crocheted by the grannies that are “for their children and grandchildren.” You’re a little ashamed to hold them and is pointless to keep them on those thin TVs, because then it turns out you are watching the ornamental TV program;
2. You have at least one tapestry from prehistory hidden somewhere;
3. You have a full glass pens of which probably only one works;
4. You keep the remote on TV or next to the TV on a shelf;
5. You have a pantry full of jars and the containers of the eaten ice cream;
6. You have frozen cabbage rolls in the freezer from before last New Year;
7. You have ten not working batteries for the remote, one of which may be working;
8. You have a protective nylon or oilcloth on the remote control and / or on the couch and chest of drawers;
9. You have three new blankets, but you use the oldest;
10. Do you have at least one grandmother who “accidentally” kisses you in the mouth at slava;
11. You have at least two generations old toothbrushes that you do not use anymore for the teeth, but for other purposes – for hair dyeing, shoe polishing, dust cleaning, etc.
12. You have at least one old, inflationary bill of 5,000,000,000 in the drawer;
13. You keep medicines with the expired date like a hamster in the pantry;
14. You like brandy and are happy to remember it;
15. You like to listen to Semsa and “you are dying” with Jasar, Saban, Jay, Stoja, Jana and Djani;
16. Your father calls you “son” even if you’re a girl;
17. You have a bunch of empty bottles on the bath and the moment you touch one, ten others drop on the floor;
18. You keep pig lard or cracklings in a bucket of euro cream;
19. You have a homemade brandy, yellow as a coin, somewhere in the house;
20. You lay down after eating “to have a rest”;
21. They play your favorite song at some celebration. Seconds before the chorus you start yelling: “And then it says!”
22. You do something best when you do it out of spite;
23. You smell of roasted peppers in September because you spent 5 days making ajvar and other winter food;
24. You know the best about politics, and keep saying `If I were the authority in this country, I would …`;
25. Nothing works but you do not know how to fix it;
26. You keep faded newspapers from 1995 on the terrace, in case you may need them to be rigged when pealing onion, carrot, painting house, etc.
27. You prepare slava at least one month in advance, and spend the entire salary on the preparation of the same;
28. You like cracklings, smoked ham, homemade brandy, wine, pork, and in later years, and tripe, jelly, and liverwurst – because these are the foods that go with age;
29. From an early age, they learn you that wind draft is one of the deadliest enemies of all Serbs;
30. You have a bunch of audio cassettes that you cannot listen because you stereo was broken even 16 years ago;

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